Agony is
by KuroChaos01
Summary: Agony is a painful thing. It can tear the strongest man down. They say it is better to have loved and lost then to have not loved at all, Sasuke disagrees. He loved and lost Naruto, to another man. His last moments alive. Shounen-ai references and suicide


**Hey, Nicole here. Okay so this is the 1st story I have EVER uploaded onto here. I'm hoping that this story will be well received and reviewed. Please if you read it review it, it only takes a second and lets me know people are actually taking notice of my work.**

**Praise and constructive criticism are welcome but no flames please. Especially if the flames are because of the MaleXMale reference or the theme, if you do not like what the story is about do not read, simple as that, don't put down someone's work just because you were dumb enough to read about something you don't like. *Takes deep breathe* OK, rant over.**

**Disclaimer- **I own Naruto! Not really.=( If I did there would be much more romance and there would be plenty SasuNaruSasu Goodness. Oh, and Iruka would be Kakashi's bitch XD

**Agony- **

_Noun_

Plural-agonies

**great pain or anguish: **intense physical pain or mental anguish

**intense emotion: **a consuming emotion

_**E.g. an agony of indecision**_

**suffering preceding death: **a period of struggle or suffering immediately preceding death (_literary_)

_**E.g. last agony**_

Agony is a painful thing. Whether it is physical pain or a state of mind. Sure the dictionary has a pretty flashy definition that seems to state what the feeling is, but what it does not have is the fact that words cannot capture the feeling of pure agony. Words cannot describe the feeling of total pain and despair. Trust me, I know; I have tried to find words to express the way I'm feeling. The best I've come up with are excruciating, unbearable, heart wrenching, time stopping, soul tearing, blinding. Sure each of these sounds painful, each sounds similar to a heart being ripped out of a chest, but this is false. These words are doing nothing to justify the subject of my musings.

Agony is the fact that I am now taking a blade, running my finger over the smooth edge. It creates a slice in which crimson blood blossoms, dripping from my burning finger onto the dark timber floor. It's drops falling unheard to my ears, but my eyes take in the sight, relishing in the feel of pain, this pain that helps take away the searing burn that is the agony eating at my heart.

Agony is feeling the need to take the red tinged blade to my wrist and casually and ever so slowly slitting a thin gap into the marred skin. The skin of my arm and wrist is a nice light colour, it was unblemished and smooth, but that was back then, before all of this shit happened. No longer is it smooth, but scarred with numerous slices. Some deeper than others. Some just a memory, a slightly raised scar. Others are still barely scabbed over. Red and painful when pressure is applied.

Agony is enjoying the sight of my blood soaked arm as I slice through the skin further up my arm. I make sure that the deep laceration is done further up, away from the shallow vein. I may be depressed but suicidal I am not. I still have the will to live, even if it is an agonising existence. I must remain alive in case he chooses to return to me, my precious kitsune.

I do not understand why some people faint at the sight of blood. It is beautiful. The most gorgeous red colour, warm and wondrous. It's the thing that keeps us alive, that carries oxygen to parts of the body. Deep red blood running over pale skin is an entrancing and beautiful sight.

I would love to watch the red substance drip down my arm until the flow stops and the captivating sight is over. I try to grab the towel that I have ready to halt the flow but I cannot bring myself to stop the steady flow. I guess that my will to live wasn't as strong as I had thought.

Agony is enjoying the pain of blood slipping out your body, taking your life along with it. It is enjoying the fact that the burn in your arm takes your mind off the searing feeling of thinking about the same boy that has had your mind in absolute agony and unrest and your heart shattered for the last six months.

Agony is losing the only one you ever truly loved to another man. Agony is knowing what could of been, if only Gaara of the sand had not stolen away my precious kitsune, my salvation, my sun. I could have been so happy with the bubbly, bright, blonde boy. Agony is having to live with the fact that I now have to live alone and without another chance at love. For when we Uchiha's fall, we fall hard. I only have enough love inside me to love once, and that love is now unrequited, unwanted.

But I am not in agony anymore. I no longer have to look at the scars on my arm or enjoy the sight of red on pale skin, I no longer have to wonder what my precious Naruto is doing at the moment, wondering if he ever thinks of me, wondering if he is fucking the red haired demon at that very moment. I no longer have to miss him so much I literally cannot breathe. I am perfectly fine now, the agony is gone.

After all, you can't feel agony when you're dead.

**OKAY, so how was it good/bad? Please review and tell me if you like/dislike and which parts were your favourite/least favourite. I will appreciate and take into consideration everything said and use it to improve. Maybe if i get good enough Kishimoto will let me take over the manga and Naru and Sasu can be together. (Don't give me that look, a girl can dream.)**


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